Archive for hate

Eternal hate

Posted in Diary with tags , , , on November 23, 2009 by J.A.C.K.

I’ve been trying to control myself. I have no reason why, but I wanted to observe how addicted I am. Never try this at home. It’s not worth it.

I’m a monster (for the others), addicted to death, a vampire fed by pain and suffering. That’s who I am, who I always will be.
I wanted to put it on a try, to see how it’s like to be “normal”, as you call it. I’m not. I am who I am. And that’s what I’m meant to be.

First week it was ok, I thought it was not that hard. Second week I almost succumbed. Forth week I would kill anything that moves. And that’s what I did.

I killed the first one I saw. And it was SO good. I had the deepest regret to put me on a try. What I was thinking? I’ve always been like this, I can’t change now, and I don’t want to.

So what many people hate me, even not knowing who I am? So what it’s against the law, who made the laws anyway? So what I end with families, dreams and futures. That’s who I am. My hate, my hunger, myself, will always be with me. Eternally.

Increasing Hate (or hunger?)

Posted in Diary with tags , , , , , on June 15, 2009 by J.A.C.K.

Do you know those days when you wake with the desire to kill anyone that gets in your way?

I have this feeling too. I mean, I’ve seen on TV, on documentaries about psychopaths and serial-killers, psychologists talking about how this kind of people (my kind, I guessed) don’t have feelings. Most of us don’t get emotionally attached to anyone, and we all just pretend to be normal, to feel, to have emotions.

It is true, I pretend to be someone else to the outer world. If I let my mask slip, I’ll probably end up in jail. People are still not ready to understand me. But I have some kind of feelings. Mostly hate tough.

So today I woke like this. With hate. You must have experienced it sometime. Maybe it is caused by a bad dream, or if you are under a lot of stress, or maybe it is just the hormones. On those days, the first one that steps on your foot, you feel like killing!

Well, at least that’s me with hate. I woke up, I was crossing a street to get to the market, and a guy riding a motorcycle passed really close to me (almost over me). Couldn’t he see me? Did he want to scare me? Teach me a lesson maybe? Well, all I know is that I pictured how I could have killed him in a thousand of different ways. None was painfully enough.

It was one of many occasions today.

I differ it from my natural hunger because when I’m with the urge to kill I want to kill anyone, don’t matter if they ever did something to me. I even prefer if they have never seem me before, and me, them. But today, I was with hate.

And then, I noticed: It has been two weeks, fourteen days since my last murder. It is like if I was looking for an excuse, a reason to satisfy my need. One little sparkle was all I need. Luckily I didn’t fall for it: one “justified” murder is all it takes to be caught.

So… Was it real hate? Or hate happens like this to anyone?

How I like to torture

Posted in Diary with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 2, 2009 by J.A.C.K.

Even with what happened last week, here I am, in my “secret” torture room.
But now I have two preys to play with. Again. that’s not the first time a smart ass tried to stop me and ended up in pieces (probably not the last time as well).

And I love this situation: there is no better mental torture than to show someone its afflictive fate.
It gets even better when you can show it through someone else’s suffering, so you make it clear that you are not playing, and the other victim knows what enormous pain to expect.

So I decided to begin with the poor girl: she has already had enough I guess.
The so-called detective watched as I cut her alive, piece by piece. And she was still awake when I pulled her guts out. I don’t know how someone can still scream in this situation, but amazingly she didn’t stop!

And that guy in my chair, shitting himself. Sometimes I like to close the next victim’s eyes so he can imagine all kinds of horrible things, but only be sure when his turn arrives. Not this time. I made him watch, every piece of it.

After that, I used one of my most popular ways to torture, which I named the Screwdriver Effect. I literally blew his mind! Using a screwdriver through his ear. I loved it!
Who’s next?