Archive for June, 2009

Do you feel compassion or fear the consequences?

Posted in Diary with tags , , , , , on June 29, 2009 by J.A.C.K.

I’ve been paying attention on people’s behavior around me and it made me raise a doubt.
What I’ve noticed is that many, many people who haven’t committed a crime or killed someone yet is just because they are afraid of the punishment, and not because they have compassion.
They are afraid of going to jail, or of the hell or of what others would think about it. Most of people aren’t really worried about the suffering they would cause to others, either to the victim or to the victim’s relatives.

I’ve witnessed many times some guys really angry because of stupid things like when they are on traffic, or at bars and night clubs. And when that happens I can see in their eyes that they would kill, that they are ready for it. Their anger is so strong that they want to finish with somebody’s life in the most horrible way.
If you ask them, they would probably answer: “Yes, I would kill this motherf*****!”.

But they don’t go forward because they are afraid of the consequences. If we didn’t have it (laws, religion, etc.), they would kill in a blink. Most people are like this. And it can be easily proved by the lands that have worst law enforcement, which are always the ones with the higher homicide rates.

So what it made me think is that, although everywhere is said that psychopaths don’t feel remorse, that’s why most (of us) are murderers, serial-killers, etc. what I realized is that the real difference is that we are not afraid. Not afraid enough. Of course the government would never spread this “discovery” or idea, because nobody wants to be a “chicken”, so it wouldn’t be good for society.

But stop a little bit and think about it: have you never killed someone because you fill compassion or because you fear the consequences?

Another one down. Who’s next?

Posted in Diary with tags , , , , on June 22, 2009 by J.A.C.K.

These past weeks I was following a lead to another detective. This time it was a female.
I can’t understand why they are doing it. Why did they join a secret organization to go after me (or another ones)? Why take the risk? Maybe I’m giving them what they seek: death. That’s the most reasonable explanation I found.

With all the material and information that I got from the last murders, I found out about this woman. I discovered where she lived, so I had been carefully watching her daily routine, until this last Tuesday.

I noticed that every Tuesdays and Thursdays at night she had language classes. She was learning French. And it used to end around eight pm. To go back home, she used to go to a street that was way down the place where she studied. It was like if the school was on the top of a hill (small one) and she had to go down it to another street, using a stairway (it was a very urban place though, the place is surrounded by buildings). From there, she walked about two blocks to her bus stop.

Those stairs were the perfect place to strike. It never had anyone going down it, and she was always alone. And it didn’t have anything around, just bushes. The street where it ended was very “fast”, like a highway. And the bus stop, the nearest place with a group of people, was two blocks from there.

I stopped the car a little far from there and waited for the girl on those “stairs”, hiding in one of the bushes. As soon as she passed by me, I came from her back and put her to sleep using chloroform. I carried her down, and hided her sleeping body in a bush, still on the stairs. I got my car, drove to there, got her back very fast, threw in my car, and drove to my “torture room”.

Yes, my torture room. I missed it so much! As things have been really quiet lately, I decided to use it again.

Well, from there I did what I usually do. And I just killed the poor girl on Friday. I needed to “play” sometime with someone, my last murders happened too quick. And I had to satisfy my hunger for real this time.

Her body is already disposed. She didn’t talk much, but I could get some information. Who’s next?

Increasing Hate (or hunger?)

Posted in Diary with tags , , , , , on June 15, 2009 by J.A.C.K.

Do you know those days when you wake with the desire to kill anyone that gets in your way?

I have this feeling too. I mean, I’ve seen on TV, on documentaries about psychopaths and serial-killers, psychologists talking about how this kind of people (my kind, I guessed) don’t have feelings. Most of us don’t get emotionally attached to anyone, and we all just pretend to be normal, to feel, to have emotions.

It is true, I pretend to be someone else to the outer world. If I let my mask slip, I’ll probably end up in jail. People are still not ready to understand me. But I have some kind of feelings. Mostly hate tough.

So today I woke like this. With hate. You must have experienced it sometime. Maybe it is caused by a bad dream, or if you are under a lot of stress, or maybe it is just the hormones. On those days, the first one that steps on your foot, you feel like killing!

Well, at least that’s me with hate. I woke up, I was crossing a street to get to the market, and a guy riding a motorcycle passed really close to me (almost over me). Couldn’t he see me? Did he want to scare me? Teach me a lesson maybe? Well, all I know is that I pictured how I could have killed him in a thousand of different ways. None was painfully enough.

It was one of many occasions today.

I differ it from my natural hunger because when I’m with the urge to kill I want to kill anyone, don’t matter if they ever did something to me. I even prefer if they have never seem me before, and me, them. But today, I was with hate.

And then, I noticed: It has been two weeks, fourteen days since my last murder. It is like if I was looking for an excuse, a reason to satisfy my need. One little sparkle was all I need. Luckily I didn’t fall for it: one “justified” murder is all it takes to be caught.

So… Was it real hate? Or hate happens like this to anyone?

How I feel after I kill

Posted in Diary with tags , , , , , on June 8, 2009 by J.A.C.K.

Last week’s murders made me feel so good! As I always feel after I kill someone. I was thinking about that… It’s like if I had one more carnal necessity.
People in general feels hungry, thirsty, etc. And if we can’t fulfill these necessities, we loose our mind. We get temporarily irrational until we satiate it. We turn into savage animals. It can be called “survival instinct”.

I was born with one extra survival necessity. I don’t kill just because I want to. I need to. And it is not an addiction, because even when I was a kid and still didn’t know the real, dirty world we live in, I had this desire. And I’ve always wondered if it is just me… Am I a natural predator, or all we are? Maybe some of us have control over it or learn how to suppress this feeling or even live its life with an eternal need.

I’m blood thirsty. I’m hungry for flesh. I’ve always been. And as days passes by, and I don’t get to fulfill my needs, I begin to get more and more savage. It takes control of my mind, and then everyone that I see passing by me begins to look like a potential corpse.

So last week, as I watched the girl’s blood flooding the kitchen, her open throat, her husband’s panic face, the knife getting into his stomach, the life coming out of his eyes, it made me feel so alive, so satiated! It’s just like when you are almost starving and you get to eat. It’s a mix of relief with pleasure. I could do this all day long. And after a couple of hours, I need more.

But it has already been a week…

Two more murders

Posted in Diary with tags , , , , , , , , on June 1, 2009 by J.A.C.K.

For the past few weeks my focus have been the detectives from this organization which is after me. I’ll kill one by one before they get too close.

I have been using what I have to connect with some of the “agents”, build a relationship with them and build some trust. I was able to infiltrate one of their communication channels (this one here) plus I found some direct ways to contact some of them.

I was in touch with one of the “detectives” specifically for some time.

But I was always very careful about raising any kind of suspicion on me. I would never, for example, arrange a meeting as a way to kill the guy, because it would be too obvious and they would probably connect the dots and find me very quick. I never asked too much, or came too close, because I wanted to be just another guy from the organization, one that he would never care to mention to anyone, just another regular detective.

And I waited… Until he gave me something.

Last Thursday this guy told me that some people were going to get together on the weekend for an online conference and he wouldn’t be able because he was going to travel with his wife to a country house, with no internet access. And he told me the city he was going to. I felt it was the perfect occasion to his death.

At that time, I had already discovered where he lived. So I waited at his address and carefully followed them to this country house. It was isolated from everything.

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