Increasing Hate (or hunger?)

Do you know those days when you wake with the desire to kill anyone that gets in your way?

I have this feeling too. I mean, I’ve seen on TV, on documentaries about psychopaths and serial-killers, psychologists talking about how this kind of people (my kind, I guessed) don’t have feelings. Most of us don’t get emotionally attached to anyone, and we all just pretend to be normal, to feel, to have emotions.

It is true, I pretend to be someone else to the outer world. If I let my mask slip, I’ll probably end up in jail. People are still not ready to understand me. But I have some kind of feelings. Mostly hate tough.

So today I woke like this. With hate. You must have experienced it sometime. Maybe it is caused by a bad dream, or if you are under a lot of stress, or maybe it is just the hormones. On those days, the first one that steps on your foot, you feel like killing!

Well, at least that’s me with hate. I woke up, I was crossing a street to get to the market, and a guy riding a motorcycle passed really close to me (almost over me). Couldn’t he see me? Did he want to scare me? Teach me a lesson maybe? Well, all I know is that I pictured how I could have killed him in a thousand of different ways. None was painfully enough.

It was one of many occasions today.

I differ it from my natural hunger because when I’m with the urge to kill I want to kill anyone, don’t matter if they ever did something to me. I even prefer if they have never seem me before, and me, them. But today, I was with hate.

And then, I noticed: It has been two weeks, fourteen days since my last murder. It is like if I was looking for an excuse, a reason to satisfy my need. One little sparkle was all I need. Luckily I didn’t fall for it: one “justified” murder is all it takes to be caught.

So… Was it real hate? Or hate happens like this to anyone?